Realizations
by Hanna Marin
Summary: "You think I'm cute?" "What? No."
1. Chapter 1

"What time are you picking me up, Finn?" asks Rachel, curling her eyelashes with her phone on speaker. She's been looking forward to their 4 month anniversary since, well, they became "official". She's hoping he has something really special ready for her...he said a few weeks ago that he was planning something for today.

"What? I can't pick you up, Ray. I have a lot of homework and Beiste said I needed to gain muscle if I want to stay on the team..."

The eyelash curler clatters against the sink. She stares at her perfectly blushed, moisturized face in dismay.

"You there?"

"Yes. See you tomorrow, then."

"Love you," he says. He holds no more joy in those words than the freshman who reads off the morning announcements.

"You too. Bye," she says in an uncharacteristically dull voice.

Rachel lies under her covers, listening to All By Myself on repeat until her cell pings with a new text message. She grabs it, praying it's Finn's heartfelt apology...

"party at my place, asap. Byob. Be there or be circular.-it's britney, bitch"

Just because Finn isn't going celebrate their anniversary doesn't mean she can't.

"Noah, please..." says a certain tiny brunette in a Britney Catholic school girl getup... "I want you."

Her eyes are wide and serious, and she is sitting in his lap, turned to face him.

"I know you do, babe," he says, tracing the side of her face down to her jawline with his first finger, "but you're gonna have to wait just a bit longer..."

She shivers and tugs at one of her skinny schoolgirl braids, slipping it near her juicily pink lips.

"Please..." she whispers softly, desparately, "I feel so...untouched right now."

"Are you saying you want me to touch you?"

"Yes."

"You have to touch me first."

"Oh..."

She fully swings around and straddles him, then puts both of her hands onto his chest and pushes him until he's lying down. Gently, she rests her forehead against his. The moment is so taut with tension it's ridiculous.

"HIT ME BABY ONE MORE-"

Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.

Awoken from his rather pleasant nap, Puck rolls over and opens his cell to the same message.

Perfect. This is just what he needs to get his mind off of...stuff.

Before Rachel even knocks, Brittany opens the door.

"You came!" she shrieks, clearly already buzzed.

"I did," says Rachel, "thank you so much for inviting-"

Brittany stumbles down the front steps, throws her arms around the pretty lead singer whose name she can't quite recall right now, and gives her a big, sloppy kiss on the mouth.

Rachel, eyes wide, tries to push her off. Santana, strangely dressed in jeans and a plain t-shirt, her hair down around her face, comes to her rescue. She gently pulls Brittany off and mouths, "Sorry about that." Santana and Rachel seem to have an understanding. Rachel doesn't really understand why simply wearing an outfit means she's worth acknowledgment to the pretty Latina, but she's grateful for it. With a strange tenderness, Santana puts her arms around the shoulders of the intoxicated girl and helps her up the stairs.

Rachel heads straight for the booze in back and fixes herself a rum and coke. She takes a dainty sip just as Puck enters.

"You drink like a girl."

"I am a girl, Puck, in case you haven't noticed."

"Trust me, I wouldn't have gone out with you if I hadn't," he says, grabbing a plastic red cup and filling it with Daniels and Coke.

"Well, you certainly didn't seem to notice when I was dressed...differently."

He was the only guy who hadn't, actually. That bothered her more than she'd ever admit...except she sort of just did. But really, even freaking ARTIE reacted, and he was completely besotted with Tina. So explaining to herself that Puck hadn't noticed because he was still in love with Quinn hadn't really worked.

Puck cleared his throat and took a rather generous sip. Was he...blushing? No, it must've been a trick of the light. Or something.

"Right...your boyfriend wouldn't have gone TOO homicidal or anything..."

Rachel giggles despite herself. Puck feels a glowing sort of pride at the fact that he made her laugh.

"Speaking of...where is he? I figured he'd sweep in with his White Knight act about five seconds ago."

Her face falls a little, and she says, "I don't know where he is."

"Hey...Rachel..." he reaches over the granite island and puts a hand on her shoulder, "if you need to talk..."

Wait. Did he just offer to talk? What hell is wrong with him? He's not a girl, for chrissakes.

She shakes her head adamantly.

"I came here to have fun," she says.

"Fair enough," he says, retracting his hand.

"Hey. You still think I drink like a girl?"

"Of course."

She smiles, steals his drink, and drinks nearly half of it in one swallow.

She laughs at his saucer-like eyes.

"How did- what- I don't- How did you do that?"

To compensate, Puck takes an equally big sip of her drink….

"No gag reflex," she says simply.

…only to choke and spew it over the island in laughter.

"Noah!" she squeals, jumping away, "Oh my God! Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm great," he says, turning around to get paper towels, still chuckling.

"What's so funny?" she demands.

"Nothing, nothing at all…"

She sits back down as he wipes up the mess, brow furrowed. Suddenly, realization colors her cheeks and she covers her face with her hands. She jumps up and turns around with a little wail.

"Hey, it's okay…come back here."

She sits back down across from him and sets her right elbow down, letting part of the corresponding hand cover her mouth.

"I'm so embarrassed…"

"It's fine, Berry."

"God, I'm such an idiot."

"You know what, I actually find your innocence kind of…cute."

Her hand drops from her mouth and she bites her bottom lip. Why is every little thing she does sexy as hell?

"You think I'm cute?"

"What? No," he says, scowling.

"You think I'm cute."

"I didn't say that…"

"You so did!" she crows.

"Get out here, losers!" screams Brittany.

Rachel shrugs.

"Shall we?"


	2. Chapter 2

"I love this song!" Rachel squeals. No one is accompanying the microphones Brittany set up next to the karaoke machine.

"You know this song?" Puck asks incredulously.

"I don't only listen to show tunes, you know."

"Right," he says with a badass nod.

"I have an idea," she says.

A few older-looking guys are ogling her legs. Puck glares at them so that they back the fuck off, but a few of them don't seem to be getting the message.

"Are you even paying attention?"

"What?"

"Look, I had a really bad night to start with…and I'd owe you big time…"

The idea of Rachel Berry owing him big time pleases him very, very much.

"Would you sing this with me?"

He laughs at the appropriateness of the lyrics, given her recent choice of attire.

"Why the hell not?"

Puck redoes a few moves from his Acafellas days, and lets his voice burst through the mike.

"I make them good girls go badI make them good girls go

"Good girls go BAD"

I know your type

(Your type)

You're daddy's little girlJust take a bite

(One bite)Let me shake up your world'Cause just one night couldn't be so wrongI'm gonna make you lose control

She was so shyTill I drove her wild"

For some reason, Rachel doesn't seem to mind her lack of spotlight here. Whenever Puck sings, she just dances around and flips her hair to the catcalls of the crowd, which he tries(and fails) to ignore.

"I make them good girls go badI make them good girls go badYou were hanging in the cornerWith your five best friendsYou heard that I was troubleBut you couldn't resistI make them good girls go badI make them good girls goGood girls go bad

I know your type(Your type)Boy, you're dangerousYeah, you're that guy(That guy)I'd be stupid to trustBut just one night couldn't be so wrongYou make me wanna lose control

She was so shyTill I drove her wild

I make them good girls go badI make them good girls go bad

I was hanging in the cornerWith my five best friendsI heard that you were troubleBut I couldn't resist

I make them good girls go badI make them good girls goGood girls go badGood girls go badGood girls go bad

Oh, she got away with the boys in the placeTreat 'em like they don't stand a chance

And he got away with the girls in the backActing like they're too hot to dance

Yeah, she got away with the boys in the placeTreat 'em like they don't stand a chance

And he got away with the girls in the backActing like they're too hot to dance

I make them good girls go bad

(They don't stand a chance)

I make them good girls goThe good girls go bad, yeahGood girls go bad

I was hanging in the cornerWith my five best friendsI thought that you were troubleBut I couldn't resist

I make them good girls go badI make them good girls go badI make them good girls goGood girls go badGood girls go badGood girls go

BAD"

They stop to raucous applause. Rachel grabs for his hand and they bow together. It's overdramatic and so Rachel and cheesy as hell, but at least she seems pretty happy.

Santana comes up to him and says, "Good job."

Rachel bites her lip, ducks her head, and makes her way through the crowd.

"Hey," he says, "thanks."

"So," she says, "I got Brittany to bed, since she was pretty wasted. But um, I'm in the mood for a party…"

She grabs the collar of his shirt and whispers in his ear, "…for two."

Normally he'd be totally up for it. He actually waits to feel a tightening in his pants, but…it doesn't come. What the fuck? What's wrong? He doesn't quite know. Maybe it's that the lustful smirk on her face reminds him too much of his own, maybe it's because she's trying too hard, maybe he's just not in the mood. Maybe…he's done with just hook-ups. Maybe he's ready for something more.

Or maybe it's because she reminds him of how he used to splash icy drinks on Rachel. She was always there, in the background, laughing. But, it wasn't really all that funny. She's pretty decent to Rachel now, but…she could be nicer. And so could he. Rachel probably deserves that, and if he's being honest with himself, Santana deserves the chance to find someone who loves her. Puck actually does care about Santana, no question, but…he definitely doesn't love her.

"I don't think so, Tana. But…you know…it's not that you're not hot. I'm just…I…"

She looks shocked, and he's afraid she's going the flip the fuck out like he did when he was trying to woo Mercedes. But instead she smiles in a sort of awe, and crosses her arms.

"You're totally in love with her, aren't you?"

"What?"

"You know what I'm talking about, moron. But I have a secret," she says, and he fully lets himself enjoy her smile then, because it's simple and sweet. It's not trying so hard to ooze sexiness, it's just- happiness.

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm in love with someone, too."

"Oh yeah?"

"He's…also taken. By the girl you wish wasn't."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Puck mumbles, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Like hell you don't."

And with that she walks away.

"So…you're a good girl gone bad, huh?"

Rachel gulps down a little bit more of tequila. Just a bit. What does it matter, anyway? She's kept her phone on and Finn hasn't called once. No apology, no sudden revelation. She doesn't matter. He's acting like she doesn't matter, so she might not. And she's too annoying to even hang out with, since Puck ditched her for Santana. And why shouldn't he? Santana's beautiful and sexy and confident and flexible and just…everything Rachel is not. She doesn't talk too much, she talks like a normal person.

The guy with the major stubble tilts his head, still waiting for her response.

"Not really. I'm a pretty good student and stuff. I'm just- stressed lately."

"Of course. So, you just wear those skirts for fun?"

Rachel looks down at her legs.

"Well, yeah. I like them. But anyway, I really am a good student."

"You're a fucking tease is what you are," he says, advancing towards her.

"What?"

He's a little too close for comfort. She can smell the beer on his breath.

"Get away," she says.

"I don't think so, striptease," he says.

He lets the his hand rest on her stomach.

"Stop!"

And then, suddenly, he's pulled back and Noah has him by the scruff of his shirt, drags him farther, and Rachel's just watching with an open mouth, totally dumfounded.

"You think that's charming? You think you can freaking just touch her, because you want? You're sick, alright, dude? Get that?"

The older guy nods in mute terror. Puck knees him in the balls and crumples to the ground in a whimper.

Rachel slides to the floor, unable to hold it in any longer. Puck kneels down and says, "Hey are you ok?"

She shakes her head.

"Alright, well, I'm gonna take you home.

She nods, biting her lip, as the tears escape down her cheeks. She tries to pull herself up but she keeps slipping, so Puck scoops her up and carries her in his arms. The girl needs to eat more, it's like she weighs nothing.

She lies back in the passenger seat, eyes closed. Puck waits in the driver's seat, watching her, waiting for her to say something.

"Do you have an iPod adapter?" she asks in a smaller voice.

Not what he was expecting, but he'll take it.

"Yeah, sure. You wanna plug something in?"

…And call him up for more/and I say baby/yes I feel stupid to call you but I'm lonely…he said I'm sorry/so sorry/I said why can't you love me, I'll change for you…

"He doesn't- he doesn't care about me," she says in a quiet, broken voice.

"Finn?"

She nods.

"I want him to, and I care about him, so, so much, but…he just doesn't. If he did, he would've remembered that he promised we were going to do something special tonight, for our anniversary. If he did, he would've realized I was upset and then tried to do something about it, but he just didn't. And it's not fair, because I try so hard, and it's just not good enough. I'm not good enough. I never am. And I just don't- know- what- to do…"

She's full out sobbing now, hugging herself, and he opens his arms without even thinking about it and she falls into him and clutches his shirt and gets his shirt wet but he doesn't even care, because at least he can hold her. At least he can make her feel better.

He lifts her chin with his hand so she has to look him in the eye and says, "Rachel…I don't think you realize how amazing you are and how lucky Finn is to have you. You are good enough, you are more than good enough, and…I don't know, I'm not much for words, but I know that if I ever had the chance to be with you again…I would never let you go."

He lets her face go, because he doesn't want to ruin it. He's not going to cheat with his best friend's girl, again. He has, after all, learned something.

She collapses against him again.

"I need to break up with Finn," she mumbles into his t-shirt, "but I'm scared."

"Do what you need to do," he whispers, smoothing her hair with his hand.

The iPod switches tracks…

And I'd give up forever to touch you/'Cause I know that you feel my somehow/You're the closest to heaven that I've ever been/And I don't wanna go home right now…


End file.
